Thursday, January 18, 2007
Afraid of Success?
Success usually means feeling good about yourself. It is one of the single most valuable tools in a person's life experiences. Yet many of us feel afraid to succeed. When our patient, Mr. S. first told how he was raised, it became obvious he was suffering with a rather common ailment. His mother taught him it was a sin to fail.
Therefore, if Mr. S. simply did not try (as soon as something became challenging), then he couldn't fail or disappoint his doting mother. No more effort was put into the challenging venture. He was instructed to simply forget it ever existed or confronted him.
This rationale became ingrained in the child's behavior and was further rewarded by his mother whenever he would quit something he found hard to do. Only when success eluded him as an adult did the man seek counseling to find out what was causing so much chronic unhappiness. It did not take very long before Mr. S. realized that frustration with a lifetime of incompleted tasks and projects had ruined his life. Why have goals if you don't finish what you start? Without goals, there's no hope. How can a person be happy without hope? You should have seen his face when the
proverbial light-bulb went on.
Successes in life are also a heavy burden to carry. Many new responsibilities are bestowed on "THE SUCCEEDER!" From the patient's ordeal in his process of recovery came a simple and fruitful plan to approach the common problem of running away from life's challenges. One possible useful hint is to control yourself when starting new projects, especially if you see that too many others are unfinished. If you don't control yourself, you will invariably end up frustrated, with untied and dangling emotional ribbons.
It becomes easy to cop out and to say you are bored. "The discipline required to have successes is the test of your completions." (Insen 1975). And yes, there are some exceptions to the rule; some things are better left undone. But for the most part, these things are in the minority.
Wednesday, January 17, 2007
What Ever happened To Having Enough Time?
About eight years ago I was doing a doctoral research project and this is what came about from the many interviews and frustrated patients I queried. The following article was printed in The Arizona Networking News some time in Y2K.
What ever happened to having enough time to be with your loved ones, or completing that college degree you always wanted? These are some of the pressing questions my patients are bringing up in their therapy sessions. Recently, TIME became the common denominator for deep discussion within a group doing research on annoying changes in our fast paced American society.
Family ties in our hyper-busy culture are disappearing and being replaced with outside jobs. The quest for more money has long been an issue with American families. So many mothers are working these days as shown by current statistics, that their children think the nanny is mommy. Daddy, if he living with his wife and family, is also working very hard to locate our American material dreams. Sometimes he has more than one job. Can you tell me what miraculous wonders and happiness have derived from all this working for more and more money? In fact, have Americans ever been in so much debt before?
Our children frequently are abandoned emotionally with only a television to baby-sit for them. The parents come home from working all day so tired they want to fall on the bed and do nothing more than to snore. Who has time and strength to parent anymore? What percent of our families have a stay at home mom in these times? We frequently rely upon complete strangers so often for babysitting services. Some lucky people still do have loving relatives to watch their babies. But.... this is not common.
The loving relatives are also out there looking for more money. One day these overly busy parents will grow old. Their children will place them in a nursing home facility for care. Why? So glad you asked! ;) Because they have learned very well the lessons their overly busy parents have taught them. The grown children are simply too busy to care for an infirmed parent. Why? Because they are out there looking for more money, possibly holding down more than one job. Or.... "You did not have time for me, Mommy and Daddy, when I was young. Why then should I have time for your needs when you are old?"
Thursday, January 11, 2007
The Benefits of Simplicity
Are you a person who says "YES" when people ask you for your time, money, talent and input? Do you feel overburdoned by all these "YES" answers? If you happen to nod in agreement, please read further. Keeping life simple has certain merits you might be overlooking. Prioritizing is a must for someone who cannot say "NO." For example: Paying your own bills should come first. If you are a student, you should complete your school-work before you give aid to another. Charity is wonderful, but it can also begin by being charitable to yourself! ;)
When you have a project in the works, FINISH IT!
Pick a few things that truly matter to you and see them through to completions. By informing people that you have commitments, in advance of being asked for help, sometimes you can cut them off at the pass. This is not being rude. It is being practical and realistic. Remember that life is about making choices.
Try grouping like with like tasks when driving in order to save time and your gas-money. When the job is done, check it off your written list and smile at yourself with a proud sense of accomplishments. This feels good. You deserve time to play, so put that on your "TO DO" list as well. Try to remember to reward yourself in a loving way when you successfully complete what you start. It will further your efforts and stimulate your will to feel happy that you did what you set out to do. Reprinted with permission of author, Dr. InaNorma Yanez, CH.t from The Arizona Networking News